so here am I, spewing more of me, letting you into my little world. 38, and growing ever closer to 39. I sit here sipping my coffee from this morning. Looking back on my past week and anticipating what is to come. I read from my book an author whose writings are raw and real, so much so, that sometimes I just want to pretend none of this could be real. Her words are evasive yet draw you in all at the same time. I think on myself, and my mind pen begins to translate thought.
Celebrating. For a good many years I have watched and partaken in a variety of celebrations. People flood my memories of good times and hard. All of them soul deep. Among my favorites that I relive are birthdays. It is best to always celebrate them, because they are a gift given. They represent a life filled with promise of Today, if we accept it. Not always what we want or expect, in fact sometimes just the opposite, but Today is given for our choosing of how it will unfold. Just Today is a hushed whisper of my everyday. And birthdays are strung about my everyday like a banner of Life.
The author I am reading speaks of the Now. We are given only now. A whole lot of nows. What will you do with yours? This makes me think of a friend, but before I share more of her with you,
I must introduce the man I have lived with and loved for the past almost two decades. In short, he is my antithesis. Many years ago an evaluator at a conference said that we are such polar opposites that he couldn't believe that we had been married for any length of time! Well, that was it, I have spent everyday since then proving him wrong by showing he was right and that is exactly why the grace of our loving Father brought us together. Someday maybe I will get more into that, but for now. I just have to say that I am grateful in every way for who he is. He loves me imperfectly perfect. He leads our Z-force gently and has won my heart over and over. He is a man of few words, but those words are aptly spoken. His heart is of a Shepherd. Ryan fittingly is an administrator in a public school 15 minutes from here. Everyday he binds up the broken and gives life to souls who are in need of a Savior. He walks with them and teaches them what has been breathed into him. And then Ryan comes home to our quaint little town, shuts the door to this warmth he calls home and does the same. It is who he is. A Giver. Then, as if that is not enough, with keen ears, this man, both in silence and with words, as He listens to the heart of His Father, draws others into the presence of their Maker. He Keeps his flock close at the worship center, First Baptist of Elgin, and brings glory to the One for whom all glory is due. In the time I have known him, process was written all over his life, and so when this shepherd man stands to speak, I am not surprised today to hear that word. Process. Knowing Christ and Making Him known. It is lifelong and life changing. If your hand is open, this is the Way for you. His words come upon me as though God spoke. Tears fall and I am silent. Just Today. This is all I desire of my Today. That, which my husband unabashedly proclaimed, that I might die so Christ could live and that Love could be remembered by the next generation of believers. Shall it be for me. And in my now I will go tredding up a hill, sled in one hand, with my Love beside me. Pouring into our next generation. And it will be well with my soul as I lay my head down to rest tonight, hopeful that I will wake tomorrow, to my Today of living life beside the one my soul longs for. My husband and my God.
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