I want to make it OK

I want to make it OK. Take a seat here at the window of my soul. Make yourself at home. I want you to feel welcome and warm and loved here. Because you are. Don't just look in, but enter in.There is no room for window shoppers or passerbys!When you look in this window, I want you to see, hear and know real.
I am not going to promise you'll be comfortable here, although I hope you might. Just stay here with me for a while.  I will say it again, I want to make it OK. Years ago I learned that I have a restorative personality. I look at things and either want to make them OK or improve what is already there. so today is no different from most days. My sister called last week and work is hard and I want to make it OK.  My dad is going to the cardiologist and I want to make his heart OK. My friend just had surgery and I want to make her OK. I meet with these gals who are growing to love Jesus and I want it all to be OK for them.  Lord has taught me how to love and how to give my heart away. And with that I am more than OK. But when I cry out to God with my very own longings, my personal desires, and he speaks forth His word, piercing me with "Be still and know that I am God." (Psalm 46:10) I  question am I really OK with that?
So we wrestle, like my boys wrestle their dad... they can't beat him. He is still bigger. He is still better. God and I, we go back and forth. I do not deny his sovereignty nor his Lordship. But when it comes right down to it do I trust him with my longings? Do I dare to put myself in that place of vulnerability and say, "Thy will be done"? Disappointments have come my way,  but not one of them has God not redeemed. This longing He has given me. I have asked him to take it away, if it is not from Him.  And it has remained. And so do I. Faithfulness. But even when I am unfaithful, He remains. He knows. He sees.  His word pierces me, "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him who have been called according to his purpose." I can't see. I can't know right now.  And isn't that faith? Faith is believing in what we cannot see and being sure of what we hope for. Hebrews 11:1. He will redeem it. How about your longings? Have you laid them out as an offering? Have you put them at his feet? Have you trusted him with all of your heart, not leaning on your own understanding, acknowledging him with this longing, knowing that he will make it work for your good? Proverbs 3:5,6.
Maybe one day my boys could outmatch their dad. Genetics say this is possible.  Or maybe Ryan might let them win. Odds are, in the end, they will both end up winning. I hope they all can stand tall, agreeing, it was a grueling match, but good. Psalm 62, "My soul finds rest in God alone… He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will never be shaken… My hope comes from him."
"I will make it OK," promises God. So now I rest.